This what I feel since I got my new job. My life change only for days and I lost some weight and I don’t even happy for that. I was mentally tired and so with my body. The pressure are surreal crazy and the work load seems never ends.
I cried lots and at the moment I could feel as if losing my soul and confidence. I not used to be type of crying babies and recently I turned even worst, crying feels like routine and I afraid losing my sanity.
Still in my job on training but I feel want to leave and yet I couldn’t easily give up. This complicated feeling are so contradiction and depressing. A fellow who was together with me last time, doing this job on training has gave up and resigned after struggling for two weeks and now remain me alone to struggle and survive in this new job.
The seniors staff are nice but the “boss” somehow sent such not welcoming signal whenever our eyes meet. She even pretending as if I wasn’t there. I tried to greet her but she acting as if not seeing “my appearance”.
I want to quit but give up so easy isn’t my style.
stress isn’t something new to me, everyone experiences it in their life but this time I feel like broke inside and outside myself. I was extremely exhausting, hardly to sleep but still need to wake up early in the morning before sun rise (3 AM everyday since working in new place), go home always late night at seven and there no energy left for me to do another things.
I got complained for my slowness, I should memorized many codes and etc. Things that makes me almost cried-bleed was the fifth day after I joined the company, the trainer who has higher position than senior staff and lower than “boss” asked me about things in work description, written in the manual book. to be honest I not understand what written inside the manual book, I tried my best to answer what I knew and based on my own understanding and also the logic explanation. I haven’t finished with my answered and being cut off directly by “used your brain when you answer.” she told me directly and I just stopped, without further words.
I didn’t feel my answer wrong, even if I did said wrong, she should listen until I done and point out my wrong or she could speak more in nicer way, why should be so harsh, didn’t we also employees who working for some reason?
tried being positive by saying things will be fine, every day is new day. I am encouraging myself still my day is tougher day by day. I just don’t know how long I will endure all things….