My Thought about Nursing Home

I have negative perspective about nursing home because for me, nursing home is kind of place where children dump their parents even the concept about nursing home isn’t like that. But the reality which I  experiences and have seen, the elders being neglected by their children and it breaks my heart. Even, when the children are rich perhaps they might send the elders to nursing home because that place might better place, but still I feel bad about it. I am not Saint but still human who has feeling. I hardly to tolerate kind of lame excuse and idea sending elders to nursing home rather than taking care the elders by own-self.

So, my reason to bring about this topic because my mom asking me, would I send her to nursing home when she getting older and become dotard in the future. I was shocked and startled with my mom question. How could mom ask me such question? I asked her back.

Later on, my mom told me about one of Senior that she knows for years. that Senior had sent by her children to nursing home because no one among her children who want to take care her so they agreed to send her to nursing home. I feel something stuck in my throat after my mom told me about that Senior.

It wasn’t new thing about people who send their parent to nursing home with many kind of reasons. One of the reason, they don’t have time to take care elders because they busy with their business. I have seen there are lot of rich people who send their parent to nursing home because they don’t want to be bother. I know very well how difficult to take care elder because I have experienced before. I saw how my mom and her siblings taking care my late grandmother. To say, it more difficult than taking care babies because you should be very careful and extra patience when talking to the elders especially those who has sensitive feeling and dotard.

Again, there is no guarantee nursing home will be the best place for elders because most of the case, the helper in nursing home likely to abuse the elders because they lacking of patience, at least this happen in here.

Perhaps, until here you might feel I kind one sided when talking about nursing home but yeah, you free to judge me.

My negativity grows about nursing home because I feel bad for those who send their parent to there instead of taking care their parent by themselves. People get their reasons, have their excuses but still I can’t believe children put their own parent in nursing home. things would be different if those elders have no family so that they need place like nursing home to take care of them rather than living in street without care in their “retired days”.

I don’t try to act like Saint but more to share my thought and also little advice from my perspective. I just want to remind, love our parent more when they are still alive, here with us. Even when they grow old and old and become dotard, have take good care of them because when we were kids, naughty, they didn’t put us to orphanage or neglecting us so, when they are old, cannot do anything, please don’t send them to nursing home as place to dump them.



  1. humbledaisy1 · September 8, 2015

    I love to hear all perspectives – thank you for writing this. My own father recently passed away in nursing home after dementia but he was there not because no one wanted to care for him (my five siblings and I all live all over the United States far away from my parents) but because my mother wouldn’t move and we could not move back. Sometimes, older parents cling to the known world rather than wanting to step into the new. In some ways, it made me very sad because we are a big, cheerful family with a pretty high tolerance for caring for illness, messiness, etc. but it made my mother so very sad and anxious to leave her friends and church that no one could convince her to move. Now, after spending weeks with her this summer, I think she may have changed her mind but I kind of wish she would have when my father was still alive. I talk about this with my own friends and it is something you should let your family know far, far ahead of when you might need it. Keep writing!

    • azurro4cielo · September 8, 2015

      Hi humbledaisy1,
      I understand your feeling. It happen to have similar case with my late grandmother. My grandmother didn’t want to move because she didn’t want to leave place she had lived for more than half of her life, she felt anxious and afraid with new environment. No matter how they persuaded her, she stubborn to stayed at her own home, even being alone. She also disliked to have helper and things just becoming hard for her children.

      Moreover my late grandmother was someone very sensitive, single words could make her angry and unhappy so all of the family members should be extra careful. Instead of sending her to nursing home, they took turn to take care her.

      “There are two things in life that cannot be delayed – being filial and being charitable” – Master Cheng Yen.

  2. Gren · September 8, 2015

    It’s nice to hear different point of view about nursing home. Personally, as someone who saw my grandma being care at home and being care at a nursing home and, also, as someone working in healthcare, i can say that the concept of nursing homes are changing as time goes on. What was a facility which offer the minimum of care for families, who can’t care about their parents anymore because they are sick themselves, working when care need to be given almost 24hours per day and other constraints of life, before has become more of a facility that offer services depending on your budget. It has become more of a business and we do know that the demands are there. I saw lots of families shopping for a nursing home for their parents and even the parents themselves choosing a place to go…well, of course, in the end you still have to have the budget to afford private nursing homes.

    • azurro4cielo · September 8, 2015

      Hi Gren,
      I don’t know about others nursing home in other place but in here, nursing home is exactly worst place for elders.
      you get the point about nursing home is more of a business in today’s and it because demands are there.
      I try to understand perhaps… yeah perhaps the children who send their parent to nursing home, might… thought that place still better place for their parent after many considerations. but to be truth, most of the elders just want to spend more time with their children in their “retire” days, seeing their grandchildren… They cannot say because they afraid to be burden so as the children, we should be more considerate.

      Again, even nursing home is getting better with all the upgrades, still I think best place for our parent still stay close beside us. This just my personal perspective, my preferential for not considering nursing home as option or alternative.

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