I still able to carry
Myocarditis is difficult to cure, it can only rely on the long term recuperation. My myocarditis is type of disease that carry on virus, so that must be careful as long as I have fever, the myocarditis will relapse.
In other way, as long as I don’t get fever, not too exhausting, it won’t relapse, there is no difference with the normal people, I still can run, jump, can eat and sleep but if it relapse, not taking good care it lead to heart failure, when the time comes, the curing is not as easy as shot few times hormone, but I must replace the heart with the new ones.
It quite scary, but actually not that scary, as long as I taking good care my body, everything will be alright, I am quite stabilized, but every times I reflect myself in mirror, I feel little bit depressed.
168 pounds of weight was my first time got hormone shot in hospital, later I continue to “grow up”, during the time I came back using train to Shanghai, my weight has reached 180 pounds, because of the fever that burned my black hair into white, so just shave it into big bald head and slowly let it growing again.
At same time, when my little sister looked at me, she quite surprised and exclaimed, “Meat-ball!”
It meat ball, absolutely like meat ball, because of those hormones, I become fatter, there is little bit edema (condition with an excess watery fluid in the tissues of body), I looked alike the human dough filled with water. All is meat, I even thought that walking was not suitable for me anymore perhaps I rolling more suitable for me to move.
The nickname that Yan Yan gave me made my mood down, people said that the relationship between siblings are good, we have separate for more than a month, at least she must hug me when saw me, even I didn’t want to be hug by her, I wanted to kick her, but the problem I could not move to kick her because I have became this fat, every time I walked for few steps I felt difficulty in breathing, I even could not move sometimes.
That specialist said, the first week must be like this, because the heart must be adapting with the body weight, after some time it would be alright, waiting until the bloating subsided, I won’t look alike meat ball anymore, would look better, but I have deep thought how someone that has 80 pounds suddenly turned to be 180 pounds in blinked of eyes, no matter what, it still not good to see.
All my clothes are bought the new, the old one was not fit me anymore, there were black cloud in my back and I just went to upstairs, locked myself inside my bed room, I started to play “seclusion” game.
I don’t have any way, I was in my prime as young maiden, the time that I like to be beautiful utmost, but when I turned be like this, I really went crazy moreover I worried what my boyfriend, Kang Yu thought, I felt…bitterness.
The door suddenly opened, Yan Yan’s head pop out and looking at me, “Sis, I didn’t mean it.”
I felt frustrated in my bed, ignored her.
“Sis, it looks not bad, fat little bit, you take a look yourself, plump and white, really cute.”
Comfort words, this might the comforting words.
White and plump, it true, my face and skin are better compare when I was skinny, perhaps because of that hormone shot, too much got shot, this thick fat is because getting shot regularly, alike absorbing the essence of sun and moon, Reborn1] but not as the most beautiful girl in the world, but as the most rounded human meat ball.
“Sis, don’t think too much, you have good rest, next half month will be our real entrance examination, you should focus on your entrance examination, you are good in study, mom and dad are having high expectation on you to make proud this family, so that when you lost something you must gain another, you have advantageous for the entrance examination so that you must be enrolled to Shi San Nv high school.”
I still said nothing, I feel whether this one month or one century, it just same for me, I soulless.
Yan Yan still talking by herself, “Your class have knew that you are back, tomorrow they will make welcoming meeting, ah, I have made phone call to Kang Yu, to let him know that you are back!”
When I heard Kang Yu, this name, my body moves as if my soul has back, I hurried pulled and yelled, stopping Yan Yan to make phone call, “Don’t go!”
Yan Yan surprised, “Why, he—for this month every day he really wanted to see you, when he has time he would call me asking about your condition, I have promised him, once you back, immediately to tell him.”
I wrapped myself with quilt, “I haven’t made heart-preparation.”
I was not same as before, as lithe as swallow2] that Ou Yang Miao Miao, now I am human meat ball the alien, I am not same “kind” with him the ordinary human being, just as thought in biology: the love between cross-species would never have good ending, I really afraid to meet him, would he and Yan Yan same, at once glance would yell me human meat, when the time comes… I afraid I could not bear it, would go crazy.
Yan Yan finally understood, she didn’t call him, but she sat on my bed, “Sis, you don’t think too much, Kang Yu isn’t that kind of man, you know him, when he got the notice from Zhi Sheng, he didn’t even smile, that notification letter just trash for him, he tossed it aside, if not because mom and dad were taking care you, he perhaps didn’t have heart to study anymore, rushing to buy the train ticket to find you.”
I knew that Kang Yu got first rank for the simulation examination for the entire school, just expected that they smoothly enter Zhi Sheng, except her, Fan Jun and Liu Li Jun also in top five in my school before. Initially this is one of happiest thing, as for me, I really could not feel happy for it. Actually this must be one of happy thing for him but as I seen, no matter how, he could not be happy.”
Yan Yan continued: “Kang Yu knew that you are fine, he cried and smile, I could feel that he happier compare when he received the notification for Zhi Sheng, when he have time he would make phone call asking about your condition, as for him this month he must be forced himself until goes crazy, he similar to hen, every day he “chichicha” at my side, unknown people might think that he is courting on me.”
I get touched when I heard it, my tears streaming down, but still this is two different things
1] 脱 Tuo 胎 Tai 换 Huan 骨 Gu : to shed one’s mortal body and exchange one’s bones (idiom), Reborn.
2] 身 Shen 轻 jing 如 Ru 燕 Yan : As lithe as a swallow (having good body shape alike athlete or beautiful girl), slim and tall.