Learn To Act Not React!

When conflicts arouse, the situation heating and the atmosphere seem to be wrapped by negativity, the first response that shown by us, we tend to react than act. The different between React and Act, react is coming with negative attitude which mean that we tend to fight back perhaps with nasty words, intimidate and even using violence sometimes. While Act is coming with positive attitudes such as trying to finding the solution without speak nasty words, without offensive gesture, etc.

When problem show up, people tend to find other people’s fault to blame rather than to find the solution for the matter, then this is also called as showing reaction. Blaming is reaction while finding solution is called as action. Some people thought if we are not fighting back, showing our reaction toward the situation, then we might be taken advantage of, or get bullied more. But the fact this is not true actually. When we are reacting toward unfavorable situation, we are not making the situation better instead of turning it into worsen. Therefore when we are facing or dealing with unfavorable situation, we should act not react. Often we miss the subtle difference between reacting and taking action as way of responding.

There is a difference between the two, one is word that sending a negative and the latter word is sending a positive message. If we know the difference between the two and approach a situation intending to respond rather than react to the problems/challenges, problems can be averted and conflicts resolved.

Until now, you have heard the theory, but the question, are we doing something of our own choice or are we reacting to other people’s choice? When we are losing our calmness, getting out of control the first thing that we show actually reaction not action. Because the first emotion that comes to us most of the time is part of instinct which mostly negative feeling such as anger, feeling unfair, get intimidated and many more. Therefore, we should learn to response in positive way by taking action not reaction.

I don’t know whether you guys still remembered or not, there was one time after I did password ANSTG translation, then suddenly there were many comments reacted to what I done. Some of the comments sound neutral, some critics me but still in proper way. Then the worst came, I got many nasty comments. From called me stupid B****h to F***k.

I was so angry when I read it for the first time. But I did nothing. Not even replied back the nasty comments not because I feared or scared but, I wanted to see things in bigger picture, be objective. I don’t want to blind by my anger so I lost my sight and make thing getting worst. Thus, the first act that I did, ignore the comments. I told myself their comments couldn’t hurt, harm me unless I give them permission to do it.

Here the steps how I learn to act and not react:

Take a deep breath
I am trying to cool down myself by taking deep breath whenever I am in unfavorable situation or feeling negatives. After few times of breathing count, I will give myself a break and then try to notice the triggers.

Ask the reason by identified the reaction and thought about the action
I try to understand what kind of feeling I have after I feel cooling down. Am I angry? Am I upset? Am I unhappy? What should I do in order to soothe my emotions or how should I do to make myself feel better? What triggers me?

Choose the way to response
Taking the example how I deal with the nasty comments before. I asked myself what matters most in this situation? What is my goals? And how can I respond in better way without make the situation worsen. If I choose to reply back with same nasty words, would the situation get better? No. Of course not. The situation would turn to be worsen and even messier. Perhaps I might feel satisfied when I got back to them, feeding myself with self-righteous feeling because I am defending myself but the truth I am actually level down myself and make myself no any differ with those people who put nasty comments in my blog. Therefore, act and not react. Because when we are taking action, it means we know what we are doing, every actions we take must have thought carefully and consciously. Understand every decisions that we take would give effect, either good or bad.

The most important, this is not easy and it takes time to practice. It is almost impossible to not react moreover when we are putting into corner and being in such unfavorable situation. But, the practice may help us to see clear and bigger picture about the problem that we face. Moreover, it is going to help us acknowledge our triggers faster and avoid us to make wrong decision which perhaps might be regretful in the future. Practicing it may put ourselves back on track faster.

Learn to act and not react takes continual practice and as the process going on, easier it becomes over time.

When you are not present and when you are stressed out, you caught up in it all and it is more difficult to choose your response. You can easily lose the boundary between your inner landscape and the context around you. When you are mindfully present, you have access to the space between the trigger and the response.